yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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