During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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