Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
