It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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