Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
