How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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