It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
