you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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