I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need moral support for this bender
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
