i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
