His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
