It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
