I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
