you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
