2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize