Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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