I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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