She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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