You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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