Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
