her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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