When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
