it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
