we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
