i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
