his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
as a side note pls kill me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
