You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
