he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
