Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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