I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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