maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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