I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I just sharted jello shots
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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