People in love make me want to vomit
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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