thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
