I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
