He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
