I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
