Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
