dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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