You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
