Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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