I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
