her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
