she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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