You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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