what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
