i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He better not be in your backpack
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
