Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
