his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
