A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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