just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
