im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
