You're my little dorito
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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