Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
