mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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