I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
