well you can't waste a boner
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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