The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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