My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
