i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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