It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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