so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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