I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
