the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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