I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
