"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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