I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
