i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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