Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
