dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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