The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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