You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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