you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
