so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
