Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
