Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
