My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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