i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
