what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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