I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize