No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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